3 posts tagged “confidence”
So I saw my counsellor for the last time this morning. I've been visiting for regular sessions since last December and it was weird today to try and think what sort of state I was in back then.
Over the past few months Friday mornings have often been taken up with an hour's worth of talking about myself. It sounds bliss, but actually, unless you're a complete narcissist, it can be quite difficult.
Becoming more self-aware is never a bad thing and I've never been shy of doing a bit of navel-gazing, but I think I've realised more about what makes me tick over the past 6 months than in the previous 6 years (or even more).
Admittedly, it helps if you like your counsellor and Carolyn is a very sympathetic and empathetic person, as you'd expect her to be, although believe me I went to a psychotherapist once that was a total disaster, so it's not as obvious as it sounds.
Anyway, my navel-gazing is starting to pay off and I am "in a better place" now that where I was six months ago and, as far as I can tell, the only way is up. God, I sound like some sort of "psycho-babble" machine, don't I?
Let's hope things continue to improve!
So I've been seeing a life coach for the past month and it's been incredibly enlightening. I kind of had two separate things I wanted to talk about and try to get to the root of.
1) My unutterable lack of confidence, especially within a work context, but also outside in many situations. That statement will probably amuse anyone who knows me, as I'm pretty sure come across as incredibly self-assured a lot of the time, but it's true. You should try being in my head sometimes!
2) The other area of my life that is pretty craparama is work. I know I have potential that is both untapped and unfulfilled, but never feel as if I've been anywhere (I can think of one place, but I was freelance, so it doesn't count) that enabled me to unlock that.
One thing the life coach did was get me to come up with a list of values that I believe in - stuff like Success, Love, Financial Security, Wisdom. Unknowingly, these formed the basis of what I want from my ideal company, and where I will be happiest (probably).
I was then asked to (try and) list values that my current company espouses, which proved a lot more difficult than I thought. The idea was to compare the two lists and see if they matched up. Hah!
By some strange quirk of fate, there was nary a correlation to be seen, which affirmed most of what I knew anyway. I've done a questionnaire on what my ideal job would contain as well, but it remains to be seen if I can find anywhere that gives you 50 days holiday a year, a £100k salary, an office overlooking the beach and worldwide respect and renown.
I'll keep you posted...
Book: Share a self-help book that meant a lot to you.
When I split up from my ex-wife her father sent me this book, because I think he thought I was being hasty and should reconsider my actions.
By sending me Stephen Covey's tome, he was indicating to me that I should think carefully about my actions and look at changing who I was.
While his actions and motives were entirely honorable, I found it extremely irritating and very patronising. I read the first chapter and was put off for life.
While I accept that self-help books can be good, I think there are far better and more productive ways of bringing out the best in yourself.
Strangely enough, I have just embarked on a set of sessions with a life coach-in-training. Fortunately, she needs a case study, so I am getting them for free, but I believe this sort of approach is a far more meaningful way of "finding yourself".
Fundamentally, "you" are the only person who can change habits (bad or otherwise) and alter destructive patterns. Yes, I know this classes as self-help and, admittedly, reading books can go some way to making you think about what you do. However, I think most people genuinely need someone to help you question and examine your own thought processes and actions to get the best results. And this person, IMHO, needs to be sat opposite prompting you to voice your feelings and thoughts out loud.
I have a devastating lack of self-confidence (believe me, it's true) and almost perpetual sense of under-achievement and lack of fulfilment. As much as I imagine Stephen Covey can help to provide answers to this, I am already very self-aware and know a lot my failings and where I go wrong. This doesn't make it any easier to solve - in fact, quite the opposite.
Many people's issues are often cured or remedied in a "Eureka" moment, when the scales drop off and they are suddenly confronted with the stupidity or futility of their actions. While, I hope I come up with these sort of answers as part of the life coaching, I think it will come through practice and using certain mental tools.
I'll share my experiences over the weeks...
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